How to Forgive Ourselves
The Hardest Person in the World To Forgive
Forgiving yourself doesn’t have to be a nightmare.
We all have skeletons in our closet, regrets we wish we could undo, and decisions we wish we could take back. All of us, every one of us, have a history of making mistakes – and it is time to discover how to forgive yourself starting today.
Some people call it guilt, while others call it shame, but whatever name you give it, Satan doesn’t care as long as our self-blame pulls us down, down, down and away from God and the people around us.
- He says, “After what you’ve done, God will never love you.”
- He chides, “What a hypocrite you are.”
- He scolds, “If people knew who you really were, no one would want to be around you.”
- He reminds, “If other people won’t forgive you, how can you forgive yourself.”
The harsh truth is that the liar has been feeding us a bunch of half-baked ideas, and it’s time we wake up to it. Let’s look at the apostle Peter’s situation and use it as a mirror to reflect on our own lives.
Peter was the man who walked on water with Jesus (Matthew 14: 28-33). He was the first disciple to name Jesus as the Messiah (Matthew 16:16) and he was chosen by Jesus to witness the transfiguration (Matthew 17:1-9). Peter left his occupation to follow Jesus and was fiercely loyal to him. Imagine hearing Peter insist to Jesus, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!” What a warrior. What a champion for Jesus!!
But what did Peter do next? All four gospels (Matthew 26:69–74, Mark 14:66–72, Luke 22:55–62, and John 18:15–18, 25–27) report that Peter denied Jesus three times as he watched Jesus get falsely accused, insulted, beaten and crucified. All because Peter was afraid.
Imagine Peter’s regret. The shame and the guilt. Way worse than any remorse you and I have ever felt. What a loser. Heavy regret, unthinkable guilt, and so very unforgiveable.
Yet God used Peter’s sorrow to draw him even closer to him. When the resurrected Jesus met with Peter, Jesus never said, “Wow did you blow it,” or “I knew I couldn’t count on you” or “I want you to dwell on your failures.” Nope.
Instead, Jesus used Peter’s godly sorrow to embolden Peter and a deeper conviction that led Peter to say, “I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” In our case, our Godly sorrow helps us to change so we say, “I don’t want to live that way anymore.” What power! What strength to be able to change from being afraid to being a warrior for Jesus!
As a result of Peter accepting Jesus’ forgiveness, Peter became the pillar of the Jerusalem church (Acts 2). After Pentecost, Peter boldly proclaimed the gospel, unafraid of persecution or arrest. Peter was the eyewitness source for the Gospel of Mark and still brings strength to millions of us two thousand years later through his words in the Bible.
And notice how Peter didn’t say, “I cannot receive your grace” or “I don’t deserve it” or “Your grace isn’t enough for me.” Yet many of us do exactly this.
As with all our failures, God used Peter’s failures to turn him from Simon, a common man with a common name, into Peter, the Rock. Jesus did not choose the one who was always faithful, but the one who was forgiven and accepted his forgiveness.
If you’ve confessed your sins and failures to Jesus, it is time…. Time to choose to be like Peter. Know that Jesus has forgiven you and it is time for you to let your past go. After all, you cannot change your past, but God can change your future if you let him forgive your past. Confess what you did to Jesus, accept his forgiveness, and let it go.
And one more important thing. Never forget that Satan is lying to you by telling you to never forgive yourself. He is lying because knows unforgiveness is a cancer and wants to destroy you with it. He is also lying every time he brings up your past because he is intimidated by your future.
Your future is a glorious one, filled with joy, peace and smiles when you accept God’s forgiveness. Let the heaviness go away! Please choose from one of the other articles on this webpage to help you cure the cancer of unforgiveness in your life once and for all.
Thank you , just what my heart needed
Amen, I’m so glad you were encouraged, Elizabeth!
I did let of pray for my friendship with Kara Miller with my words and my actions to her I hurt her in my heart our relationship and our friendship is over I miss her can you please help me want to say to her
Hi Aundraya,
I think you need to take ownership in the most sincere way you can and say you’re sorry for specific things you did or said. Then, ask Kara to forgive you. If you can, say all these things in person. If she refuses to talk with you, write her a letter. Then, pray that God would soften her heart.
Depending on what you did or said, she may just need time to process it all and come to a place where she’s ready to release the debt you owe her. Maybe sharing some of these forgiveness videos and what you’re learning with Kara could be the ice breaker to healing and reconciling.
I’ve said some things that wounded a close friend of mine, and it took time to heal that relationship and rebuild trust. If Kara is a quality friend, she’ll want to reconcile too, but she may be afraid to trust you in certain ways.
I hope that helps!
Luke