God, I Want to Die
Have you ever been so mad or sad that you thought, “God, I just want to die?” If so, you’re not alone. In fact, the Bible has many stories about people who have felt this way. Their stories are rough and filled with deep emotions of unforgiveness, bitterness or grief that are so relatable to our own lives.
In this video, we’re going to dive into the story of Jonah, the guy you learned about in Sunday school who was swallowed by a whale. He battled with these same emotions, and as we witness his struggle, we are going to see some amazing new perspectives about ourselves and God – exciting things we may have never seen before!
Let’s begin Jonah’s story after the whale spit him onto dry land, when he finally and reluctantly obeyed God’s command to travel to Nineveh, a depraved city teeming with sin. With a sickening glee, Jonah preached God’s message, “Forty more days and Nineveh will be destroyed” as he relished in the thought of the city’s imminent destruction.
The problem was that Jonah’s message boiled inside an inferno of unforgiveness. After all, there was no call to “Turn from your ways” or “You need to worship God.” Instead, his heart seethed with hatred towards the Ninevites, and he longed to see them obliterated like the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.
The huge surprise is how the Ninevites responded. The Bible says, from the poorest person to the King, every Ninevite fasted and poured ashes over their heads in fear and repentance. (Jonah 3). Can we even imagine if a modern-day preacher could convince us to do that??? It would be an unparalleled step towards God. Neighbors shaking hands, tears of sorrow, relationships restored. We would have a victory celebration! At this, the book of Jonah should have had an ending with something like, “And Jonah returned to Israel rejoicing.”
But not for Jonah! Instead, he climbed a hill that overlooked Nineveh to watch hail, fire, or an earthquake swallow them. And when it never happened, Jonah was so furious, that he even told God, “Just kill me now, LORD! I’d rather be dead than alive!” (Jonah 4:3)
Incredibly, we get to see how Jonah, a self-righteous religious man, wanted violence. The very violence Jonah abhorred about the Ninevites is what also smoldered inside of him. First, he hates the Ninevites. Now he is furious at God for his mercy. After all he must’ve reasoned, these pagans were still uncircumcised, still had not converted to Judaism, and still did not call God, “Yahweh.”
All these Ninevites did was repent, most likely because they were simply scared. It was hardly even a baby step in the right direction, yet God spared them. So, Jonah told God, “Let me die. I am better off dead than alive.” Jonah 4:3.
Now let’s pause Jonah’s story to see how often we are just like him – even when people simply think differently than we do. In our modern world, think of the high levels of divisiveness in politics, racial tensions, vaccine or gender issues. We have such deep anger. Many of us feel like we have a sense of moral superiority – the same way Jonah did – as we say, “We are not like those people. After all, we are respectable. We follow the rules and have certain values.
Now for the best part of today’s video! Let’s go back to where Jonah cries to God in anger, “Kill me now.” Amazingly, God responds by gently asking Jonah a question, “Is it right for you to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4).
What a question from God! Think about it, Jonah! Who are you to be angry? Don’t you remember how you chose to disobey me? How you almost drowned but I had a whale swallow you to save you? How you, too, are so angry toward all these people who you don’t even know!
Now let’s bring this story back to us. Is it right for us to be angry? Who gave us the right to put ourselves in the morally superior camp? Can we really step into someone else’s shoes and say, “If I had their background, environment, and influences I’d never act the way they did.”
Or perhaps instead getting so mad at others, we need to take a new look at ourselves and remember that we – you and me – are sinners who are only saved by the grace of God. So, we no longer have the right to be angry. But it gets even better because when we remember God’s love for us, we no longer have the need to be angry anymore. Suddenly, all the offenses against us are reduced in size and it seems possible for us to offer grace.
