The Cost of Unforgiveness
Cost Vs Benefit Analysis of Unforgiveness
Forgiveness can feel like an impossible mountain to climb. When we’ve been wronged, we feel like we have every right to hold onto offense and anger – and perhaps we do. But have you ever considered the cost versus the benefits of unforgiveness?
Let’s dive into a gripping true story of a young woman who lost her leg in a car accident that wasn’t her fault. Like your own personal battles with hurt and offense, she was a victim who suffered an unimaginable injustice.
Imagine the pain and anger most of us would feel with such a terrible loss. For many years after the accident, she struggled with no sleep as she would wake in the middle of the night, screaming from excruciating phantom pain in the knee and ankle of the leg that no longer existed. She couldn’t massage her missing leg or even itch it – because there was no leg there. Only pain and sleepless nights.
Worse than pain and no sleep, her life became consumed with anger toward the man who caused the accident, which quickly moved into a “Why me” rage against God that filled every fiber of her being.
It didn’t take long before her ideas about God were shattered. First, she asked, “What did I do to deserve this?” but soon decided it was God’s fault. After all, if God was all-powerful and loving, why didn’t he simply prevent the accident. Given these complex questions, with inadequate answers, she decided to throw God out the window – no different than when she stopped believing in Santa Claus as a kid.
A couple of years later, her lawsuit against the man and his car insurance company ended with her winning a million-dollar plus judgement against him. Now she had money, but in her mind the worst part was that he never apologized to her. Even with the help of coaches and counseling, she could not shake the fury and the scowl that burned into her face.
As time went on this woman worked hard – harder than she ever could imagine as she threw herself into her work. Anything to avoid the pain of being home alone. She figured no one would want to marry or have a relationship with a one-legged woman. Her isolation didn’t make her depressed, nor did it lead to alcohol or drugs, but in her case, anger became her “go-to-guys” as the hardness on her face continued to grow.
Eventually, she learned how to run with her artificial leg. She successfully ran several marathons and admits that the driving force was an “I’ll show you” resentment. Everywhere she went, the memory of that man who hit her, was right there with her. When she crossed the finish lines, her anger toward him crossed with her. Even though she had done something great, she felt no joy, had no victory dance and no one to celebrate with. Instead, she continued with her isolation and went home night after night all alone, accompanied only by bitterness.
On the fifteenth anniversary of the car accident, she was so consumed with unforgiveness that she forced herself to call the man who hit her so she could demand an apology. Surprisingly, the man agreed to meet with her, so she prepared her speech and was ready to literally tear him apart – tear off his leg – for what he did to her.
When they met, to her total surprise, she discovered the man had suffered tremendously since the accident. He too couldn’t sleep, was racked with guilt, got divorced, lost his job, and suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder since the accident. Just like her inability to forgive God or him, his inability to choose to forgive himself had cost him everything.
Suddenly, the woman said she was able to take her eyes off her own pain and look at the pain of her offender. Because of this, she says she is now, finally, able to forgive and finally feels free. Today, she tells her story to anyone who will listen, hoping to help them avoid the terrible pain she suffered for so many years. But it’s no surprise when she tells her story, how everyone can still see the hardness that became embedded on her face.
What an enormous cost to both the man and woman. How can anyone possibly put a price-tag on this cost of unforgiveness?
On the fifteenth anniversary of the car accident, she was so consumed with unforgiveness that she forced herself to call the man who hit her so she could demand an apology. Surprisingly, the man agreed to meet with her, so she prepared her speech and was ready to literally tear him apart – tear off his leg – for what he did to her.
The truth is we rarely add up all the costs of unforgiveness. Instead, we hear Satan as he screams – warning us as loudly as he can that forgiveness will cost us. He continues to say, “know your rights,” “stick to your guns,” and “you deserve to be mad.” Then Satan whispers that giving up these things will cost us dearly.
Isn’t this what happened to the woman who lost her leg? But it’s interesting to see how her unforgiveness cost her an enormous amount – perhaps more than anyone can ever know – for 15 years. There is no doubt that unforgiveness is a big reason for so many divorces, broken relationships, and so much anger in the world. Unforgiveness is indeed expensive, especially when we are the ones who have to pay the price!
As we can see we are left with two opposite choices. We can choose to stay in Satan’s “know your rights” camp, choose to be offended, and say to hell with the costs of bitterness. OR we can discover the freedom of forgiveness, which is why you are here today.
As you continue to read the other articles; you’re going to be delighted as you see the benefits of forgiveness unfold before you! As we get through the basics of forgiveness, you’ll go deeper one article at a time. Pretty soon, you’re going to be swimming in the deep end of the pool laughing and smiling no matter what happens. It’s an incredible place to be, and we cannot wait for you to get there!
