What Should We Do When Other People Won’t Forgive Us?
Do you feel unforgiven or judged by others?
Suppose you’ve prayed and done everything in your power to spread positivity and love. But then, you have to attend a family funeral, and you are forced to see them. Yes, them…
The relatives you only see every few years at weddings – who have absolutely refused to forgive you for something you don’t even remember happened. It’s been 34 Christmases, 4 kids, and 10 grandkids since this supposed offense, and it was never even discussed back then.
Unfortunately, you just know if you say anything past hello, it will trigger a sharp and cutting response. You also know that if you only say hello, you will catch their hell fire for not saying more or for not being more friendly. No doubt, you are going to be condemned one way or the other.
And worse than that, they believe they are right. Their self-righteous contempt against you trumps all the attempts you have made over the years to be in right relationship with them. Bottom line, their bitterness is all based on some ancient offense, real or imagined, which they just can’t let go of. It’s like they’re holding onto their bitterness with a death grip.
Can you feel that tension! You’ll probably think of that relative more than anyone else for the days before the funeral and for several weeks afterward. Even when you sleep, they’ll be there, stuck in your head, pointing their finger, or wagging their venomous tongue at you in your dreams.
No wonder the Bible talks about forgiveness more than 100 times. In fact, Jesus thought forgiveness was such a big deal that he even commanded…. “You must forgive someone seventy times seven times.” (Matthew 18:22). Of course, we realize this does not mean we must forgive 490 times, but rather it is a metaphor to say we need to forgive an unlimited number of times.
With all the heightened emotions of bitterness and offense surrounding forgiveness and unforgiveness, it’s no wonder the disciples responded by saying, “Lord, increase our faith” (Luke 17:5). Increase our faith indeed.
Amazingly, Jesus replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you” (Luke 17:6).
So now comes the bombshell, which is the biggest, life-changing part of this message. It’s critical to note that Jesus is not telling us to increase our faith after prayer the same way we increase our muscles after a workout. We misunderstand him when we ask more faith or more strength within ourselves. We and the disciples seem to assume that “more faith” will give us more power.
It’s almost as if we think like they did…. “If I had more faith, I could cast out demons.” Notice again, the emphasis on yourself.
Instead, Jesus is reminding us to put our little mustard seed size of faith, not into ourselves and our own abilities…. But to put our tiny faith in our great big, powerful God. When we finally realize we don’t have the strength or power to forgive inside our own power, we get to turn to God for his strength.
We get the opportunity to be like Jesus who said, “Father, forgive them” as he was being crucified. Likewise, when someone is trying to crucify, hurt, or talk badly about us, we can use our mustard seed of faith to call out to God and say the same thing, “Father, forgive them.”
Jesus is the one who will lift our heavy burdens from us. He’s the one who performs the miracles. He’s the one who opens heavens doors and he is the one who helps us forgive.
See, forgiveness and God’s grace are not about us working our butts off to be better people. Instead, being the kind of people we truly want to be is all about our letting God’s grace grow in us! Grow, just like the mustard seed. Grow by trusting in Jesus, and grow by feeding ourselves with his words and his love.
You might be a little disappointed that this article didn’t give you a magical forgiveness pill, but hopefully it gave you hope that you can grow! And growing can be so much fun! It’s like getting better at anything that is worthwhile doing. Please choose one of the next recommended articles to help you keep on growing!
