What is Forgiveness?
Harness the Power of Forgiveness by Knowing its True Meaning
Forgiveness is not what you think. And it’s never for the faint of heart. Rather, it’s a complex process that can liberate us or we can allow the pain of unforgiveness to chain us with bitterness and regret. Forgiveness is a gritty choice that requires courage. Let’s discover what exactly does forgiveness mean – and not mean?
First and foremost, forgiveness is never a free pass for someone to keep hurting us, nor does it mean we have to excuse or tolerate their transgressions. Forgiveness does not require forgetting, nor does it require that we have to trust or reconcile with the person who hurt us. Forgiveness doesn’t imply that we have to be happy about a situation, nor does it release an offender from legal accountability.
Given this huge list of what forgiveness is not, what exactly is it, why is it so hard for us, and how do we forgive so we can truly be free of the pain of offense?
To begin, let’s get real and personal for you and in your situation – by thinking about the person who has hurt or offended you. As we think of the pain they have caused, we are all faced with some important choices.
We could lash out at them, demand an apology, seek revenge, or cut them out of our lives altogether. After all, they hurt us, and may not even care. We have every right to be angry and offended but here’s the thing: how long will it take us to find peace and freedom if we choose these paths? In fact, will we ever truly be free?
And that is why we are here. Because we want freedom from all this anger, hurt and turmoil.
To begin to understand what forgiveness really means, let’s go to a story Jesus told about a servant who owed the king 10,000 bags of gold. It was a massive debt, and the king knew it, but chose to release the servant from having to repay it. One of the main points Jesus made in this story was that true forgiveness is really a matter of justice, and justice is something we get to decide on.
Justice starts by first determining what exactly someone owes us. In other words, we count the cost. Once we are know what’s owed us, that’s when we can choose to release someone from their debt.
See, here is the secret that so many people miss. The crucial decision happens when we say to ourselves – and not necessarily to the person who offended us, “I release you from the debt you owe me.” Did you notice the inside/out secret? It’s hidden right here in plain sight.
When we release someone from a debt they owe us, we are really releasing ourselves from our own need to recover what is owed to us. When our own need to be repaid is gone, we ourselves are the ones who are truly set free.
It’s like chalk board covered with the word debt and erasing all of it. Suddenly, you’ve decided that your own needs to be repaid are gone. You’ve erased your need to collect the debt! You’ve cleared your mind so you can be free of all that clutter – all that poison. Now, instead of allowing someone else’s actions or inactions to rule your life, you are back in charge of your life! This is what forgiveness of others does to us!
Even though it may be hard to imagine in the situation you’re currently in, what if you were able to say to yourself, “I’m going to release them from their debt and release myself from my need to hear their apology?”
Can you see how that choice could help you to skip years of bitterness, anger, and resentment that would harden your heart and mind? You might not be ready at this moment, but if you can see it’s possible – then you’re on the path to forgiveness and freedom!
Forgiveness isn’t a fluffy, feel-good concept, but it is a complex process that requires real bravery to work through layers of feelings and difficult choices. You have shown courage to seek God’s help with forgiveness and you’re on your way to freedom. Hang in there, and we’ll see you in the next article!
Forgiveness isn’t a fluffy, feel-good concept, but it requires real bravery to work through layers of feelings and difficult choices. The fact that you are here, right now, shows that you have the courage to seek God’s help with forgiveness and you’re on your way to freedom. We can’t wait to see you in the next article!
